Forks, Wash.

As dedicated readers of our blog know, Mrs. Mike Newton made the voyage to the Mecca of all things Twilight-related, Forks, Washington. (You can see the pictures here, here, here, andhere... and here.) We decided to undertake this adventure for the March 20th DVD release of Twilight the movie. For some reason, we decided that the 21-hour drive from Los Angeles to Forks (the northwestern-most corner of the Olympic Peninsula) would be completely reasonable to do during a Thursday-Sunday period.

This story begins with two very naive young(ish) girls. We left the Greater Los Angeles area at 9:30 pm on Thursday night, aiming to be in Forks for the "Dazzled by Twilight" midnight release party on Friday night. Driving through the night, with only Starbucks and New Moon on CD to keep us alive/awake, we finally made it through the cow fields of Route 5 North to the glorious town of Redding, California. Yes, as the sun rose at 7 am the next morning, we were STILL in California. 

 

Choosing from the cornucopia of delicious culinary offerings that Redding bestowed on us, we eventually settled with the Denny's. Two Grand Slams later, we paid our check and were told by our waitress that we should stop by on our trip home so we could see the completion of their railing, which was halfway through the process of being painted red from its previously faded green. Awesome.

Oregon is where we really started to lose our minds. Seemingly the only thing off of Route 5 North for all of Oregon were cows, sheep, and snow capped mountains. Portland, the city at the tip of the state, seemed to be an impossible goal. Somehow, we made it through to Washington, thinking our trek was almost at an end.

How wrong we were. As we exited Route 5, our navigation told us we had around 200 miles left to get to Forks. 200 miles. Not 200 minutes. 200 miles on a highway with two lanes. One going north, one going south. And of course, we were driving behind an ambulance abiding by the 45 mile-per-hour speed limit. 

After passing a sign that read 40 miles to Forks, we soon saw signs for our hotel, the Kalaloch Lodge. Confused, we pulled over to see wtf was up. Is this the right hotel? we asked. Yes it is, they explained, telling us that they were only 30 miles outside of Forks. Since we already booked the Twilight package, we decided to go ahead and check in. After dropping and breaking our laptop in the parking lot (while going into an internet-less hotel room, mind you), we entered the room. Hmm... what was missing? ... Oh yes, a television. So. We had just traveled ohh 1,300 miles to go to a dvd release party, and then to watch said dvd. We had even brought our own dvd player. A dvd player rendered useless with no television.

After attending the dvd release party, we decided to go to bed at midnight because we had not slept in over a day, instead of collecting the dvd we had traveled so far for. In the morning we woke up at an ungodly hour to go on Dazzled by Twilight's Breaking Dawn tour. 

Basically, one can sum up Forks, Washington thusly:

Residents ... 3,175

Vampires ... 7

Chinese restaurants ... 2

Cost of a 2-bedroom suite at the Olympic Suites Inn ... $58

Distance to the nearest Starbucks, movie theater, or Walmart ... 67 miles

Number of NY Times Best Selling books based on the town ... 4

Number of bookstores ... 0

Number of traffic lights ... 1

Parking signs at the hospital saved for "Dr. Cullen" ... 1

Number of businesses open past 9 at night ... 0

Carboard cutouts displayed in the Dazzled by Twilight store window ... 5

Nearest city with population 50,000+ ... Lakewood, WA (138.8 miles)

Nearest city with population 200,000+ ... Seattle, WA (142.7 miles)

Nearest city with population 1 million+ ... Los Angeles, CA (1044.8 miles)

Driving to Forks from the "Nearest city with population 1 million+" ... Priceless.

Moral of the story is .... We'll be back September 13th, for Stephanie Meyer day.